When is Kosher not really Kosher? This is amazing. I happened upon it this morning and was just transfixed by the whole story.
Stuart
Source: Regardie's Magazine
Author: Alicia Mundy
Publication Date: 01-APR-90
IT WAS LATE MORNING WHEN I GOT THE CALL. OR MAYBE IT WAS NOON. I'D JUST POURED MY USUAL BREAKFAST: CORNFLAKES AND BOURBON. HOLD THE FLAKES. THE PHONE RANG. A VOICE SAID, "I'VE GOT A TIP FOR YOU ABOUT A RESTAURANT. SOMETHING'S NOT KOSHER." * "THAT'S WHAT I'M HERE FOR," I SAID, PULLING OUT A NOTEPAD AND AN EXPENSE SHEET. "WHAT'S WRONG?" * "I TOLD YOU," THE VOICE SAID. SOMETHING'S NOT KOSHER. * IT'S THE DUCKS." THE CALLER WAS SPEAKING IN THE SAME MENACING TONE THAT SIDNEY GREENSTREET ALWAYS USED TO TORTURE PETER LORRE. * "HOW CAN YOU TELL THE DUCKS AREN'T KOSHER?" I ASKED, WONDERING WHETHER TO PACK A PIECE FOR THIS CASE OR A KNIFE AND FORK. * "THE BILLS," GREENSTREET OOZED.* "THE BILLS? KOSHER DUCK BILLS ARE DIFFERENT?" I ASKED, PLAYING STRAIGHT MAN FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE. "NO, YOU FOOL," GREENSTREET RUMBLED, "THEY FOUND BILLS FOR NONKOSHER DUCKS IN THE KOSHER MEAT LOCKER."* AND SO IT BEGAN, THE STORY THAT WOULD HAUNT MY DREAMS, RUIN MY REVERIES, AND INSPIRE THE WORST JOKES SINCE HENNY YOUNGMAN WAS BAR MITZVAHED: THE CASE OF THE KOSHER QUACKERS. * KOSHER DUCKS MAY NOT BE BIG NEWS TO A LOT OF FOLKS, BUT TO THE 10,000 ORTHODOX JEWS IN THE WASHINGTON AREA (AND PERHAPS AN ADDITIONAL 36,000 PEOPLE WHO KEEP KOSHER), THEY'RE A HOT ITEM. KOSHER IS THE HEBREW WORD THAT'S APPLIED TO FOODS THAT ARE RITUALLY ACCEPTABLE. FOR ORTHODOX JEWS, OBSERVING THE LAWS OF KASHRUT MEANS HIGH FOOD COSTS, INCONVENIENCE, AND LONGER PREPARATION TIME.
It also used to mean no eating out in restaurants, unless you wanted to put your Calvins on and head for the kosher pizza parlor in Wheaton. That is, until 1988, the Year of the Dragon.
